10 Minutes of Insanity – Post gets worse as it goes along.

There is nothing like the “news” in America these days. Actually, most programs which claim to be “news” are really just opinions. Yet, these “opinions” are really just emotional outbursts which center on certain talking points. The talking points revolve around central themes which just happen to orbit two centers of gravity known as political parties.

News used to follow the format where “such and such happened and this is the outcome.” Now, it would seem that on one side it is more “such and such is happening which IS DESTROYING AMERICA.” In the other camp the retort would be “Don’t listen to those knuckle-draggers as most of them probably didn’t graduate High School.” As the media portrays things one side is pissed off 24 hours a day and the other side is elitist and snide.

For me, I’ve spent enough time “out of orbit” and read enough that my opinions might seem like they are coming from deep space or perhaps even another dimension. So without further delay lets get into them.

1. Outrage

– This is the new brand of news media. It doesn’t matter what the topic is you have to be outraged by it. It’s like trashy reality TV but actually about serious issues. The networks know that if they are able to get people fired up, their viewership will increase which will be better for ratings. These ratings translate into advertising dollars so the more outrage the better. Once you get enough viewers one can even start selling GOLD!

The majority of this outrage is usually contained in the manufactured world of the news media. But like nuclear radiation has a fair amount which slips out and infects the population. Therefore, when I’m walking down the street I do not see most Americans yelling and screaming at each other, but like proper city folk you do your best to avoid eye contact, ignore everyone and get to where you are going. However, here in San Francisco, the infected do actually have protest cards around their necks and are asking me to be pissed off about something too.

When we were in Lake Tahoe last week there was a fat, bald, middle-aged white man with an Obama T-shirt on that said “Hopeless.” My wife had just taken a picture of the inside of our hotel and he asked “Do you want to take a picture of my T-Shirt?”

Well, first of all my wife doesn’t give a rats ass about politics in the USA as she is not from here. Second of all, why would my wife want to take a picture of a fat, middle-aged white man who likes to be pissed off and wear T-shirts to make other people mad as well? If we think about it, this fat, middle-aged man could actually be a nice representation of what is happening on a larger scale. He is in a beautiful place like Lake Tahoe, staying at a nice hotel but chooses to be pissed off. People like him who live in a nice place like America, have a bunch of possessions and the highest living standard in the world want to be pissed off too.

The problem here is not so much arguing about who is president and if healthcare will pass or not but rather the fury the media is generating will continue no matter what happens. I could not imagine watching Fox news and not having them be pissed off or something. Imagine if healthcare fails, Obama loses the re-election and the USA installs a nice middle-aged white WASP who drills all the oil out of America and cuts all the taxes. Would it be possible for Fox to stop the outrage? NOOOOOOOO!!!! Their entire model is based on outrage so they will have to find something else to harp on. (And of course the Republicans wouldn’t cut all the taxes)
I could not imagine Beck standing in front of his chalkboard and have nothing to write. Well, perhaps I could and he would write “America is beautiful today.” Then, the show would be boring, viewership would decrease and the man would lose his job. If Beck and O’Reilly cannot find something to go berserk about they would all lose their jobs!!! So, in fact, they are really reliant on the Democrats for their own job security!

Their audience would then turn to other sources and I wonder what the future themes would look like? Let’s take a stab at it.

1. War

– There must be somewhere to make war and a country who is just not enjoying enough Freedom. What they would do here is to find a country without enough freedom but not strong enough to really hurt America. Then, they send all the soldiers over there. The Democrats will cry to bring them back but the Right would say NO, those people need freedom! Then they can make “freedom baskets” or start programs like cell phones for troops and all the SUV moms would have something to do to support the soldiers. The soldiers cannot come home because then there would be nothing for the Soccer moms to do. First you have to put them into a war, make sure they stay there and then make signs to support the troops (but not enough support to actually bring them back, just enough to send them cookies or something.)

2. Set up Democracy and build up the economy

– For the democracy part we divide the natives up into two camps with the goal of getting them to fight each other like the Republicans and Democrats do. Introduce universal health care so they can create media programs which make the rest of the population OUTRAGED! Some countries already have universal healthcare and some have no healthcare at all. We could introduce the American way of some people having healthcare and others have none at all and then it would be perfect because they would then have something to be angry about just like us.

– Then send over our world beating companies to employ everyone while taking jobs away from Americans. Sure, the Americans without jobs would complain but they could just blame it all on the Democrats because they are too weak to put belligerent talk show hosts on the air. So any subsequent problems are just blamed on Democrats,,,,,, or the president,,,,, so long as he is a Democrat.

The profits from these world beating companies are thus transferred back to the country of origin which depletes the wealth of the conquered,,,,er,, I mean country that needed more freedom. But hey, the workers over there make $1 an hour and are employed which looks good. For the American workers out of a job we can just blame it on the Democrats as they are the source of all problems. AND speaking of freedom…..

3. Freedom

– I don’t understand what this is. For as long as I’ve lived in America I cannot remember being free. They first made me go to school for the first 18 years of my LIFE!! We were controlled by tyrannical despots who made us sit in unmovable positions for 8 hours a day. Then we graduated but simply moved to another place called an office where we have to sit for 8 hours a day and are controlled by a tyrannical despot now know as “the boss.” We have to get this paper product called “money” which we then have to give to other people so we can buy land and a house or some form of shelter.

Sooooo, we are stuck in an office only to give our reward (money) to other people so we can not get rained on. The only light at the end of the tunnel is retirement when we saved enough paper products to do what we really want to do but then are 70 years old so have to spend it pretty quick.

Furthermore, there are these things called taxes. No matter where I go it seems like these “taxes” keep appearing and taking my money. I used to enjoy tax day as it meant the government gave me money. Now, the government is taking it which I do not like very much at all. Where I ask, is the freedom from taxes??

To me, this doesn’t sound like freedom at all. Somehow, it looks a lot more like society where one has to abide by innumerable rules and if the game is played right can have more time to do that which one truly enjoys.

So what does true freedom look like? Well, first of all I would have ditched school just as soon as I was able to comprehend what was going on. Then, I would go out into the countryside and claim some land. This would be a problem though because I think all the land is controlled by someone or other. If I check the city records it is probably owned by xyz corporation. I trace it back and xyz corporation bought it off zyx corporation who bought it off Farmer Jeb. Farmer Jeb was given the land by the Federal Government who bought it off the French. The French took it from the Indians. The Indians took it from other Indians who didn’t have strong enough bows and arrows.

So I ask which land I can have and am surprised to learn that all the land is controlled by some company individual or another. Therefore, I go really far out into the country, perhaps in rural South Dakota only to be surprised that I can have absolutely no land for free. Again, we return to the obtaining of this paper called money so I can buy the land which was bought from the corporation that was bought from farmer Jeb, which was bought by the Federal Government from the French who took it from the Indians who took them from other Indians who took it from the animals. It seems that if I do not play the game I cannot be free.

So, I hightail it to Canada but realize it is too cold up there. So I come back but then get stopped by these people with dogs known as Immigration. They ask to see my documents. I don’t have any documents so they tell me I cannot come in. I tell them I’m exercising my freedom from documents and they throw me into a holding cell. I tell them that in America we are supposed to all be for Freedom but they tell me we can only have freedom if we have documents.
Upon my interrogation I decide to speak only in Japanese. They get angry because they cannot understand Japanese. I try to explain that I’m exorcising my freedom to not speak English but this doesn’t get me very far.

At this point I forsake all my freedoms and speak in the language that will get results which is English. I ignore my freedom from documents and give them all my information so they can keep track of me and give me documents which gets me in the country. I relinquish my freedom of free time and find a job to get money so I can buy some land.

It turns out that the land I bought has very valuable minerals and even oil. I employ people to cut down all the trees, drain all the oil and strip mine for the minerals. People start complaining that I’m destroying the countryside and polluting. I exorcise my right to be free of corruption and pay off my congressman so he wins the election and provides me with permits to continue business. The toxins from the strip mining get into the water and cause everyone cancer. I exorcise my freedom to not care about my fellow human beings but to make everyone feel better start an advertising campaign with a leaf on it saying “It is all our responsibility to care about the environment,,,,, WON’T YOU JOIN US?” I even employ a guy with a nice soft voice who narrates the commercial for me.

Then I’m so rich I decide to take a trip to China to see what is going on over there. I half expect to be thrown into a state hotel and told how I am going to spend my vacation. To my surprise they are doing the exact same things we do in America except there are no Glen Becks or O’Reillys bitching about the government. I ask some students about their freedom and why their government doesn’t want to let them leave the country. I’m very surprised to hear that it is America that won’t give them visas!!!! It reminds me of my own time crossing the border from Canada and all the nonsense about documents. It appears that they require the Chinese to have documents too but most importantly the Visa!!!!

But back in America they are just harping on all the non-freedoms these people don’t have but from their point of view it is America that is hindering their freedom to travel to the USA. Interesting…. very interesting indeed….

At this point I come back to the USA and am determined to make sense of it all and glue my eyeballs to Fox T.V. Unfortunately after about three weeks of non-stop viewing the following just spews out of my mouth and I cannot control it:

SOCIALISTS, boots on the ground , hearts and minds, middle east, Democrats hate America, support the troops in that country over there which I think is located next to France, I like freedom fries, fair and balanced news, PRAY, FREEDOM, don’t take my guns, GOD, Terrorists, death panels, YOU BETCHA, Russia is located next to my house,

By Mateo de Colón

Global Citizen! こんにちは!僕の名前はマットです. Es decir soy Mateo. Aussi, je m'appelle Mathieu. Likes: Languages, Cultures, Computers, History, being Alive! \(^.^)/