Journal Entry – 11.13.2022

It is 5:56 AM on Sunday November 13th, 2022. It has been a long time since I’ve written in my journal and much has to do with my mindset. All is well here but time after time there is another disappointment which has lead to decreased motivation. I thrive when my mind is clear and it has been far from clear most of this year. Here are a few of the reasons:

MAGA – I’m not sure what happened to my country, it is like it has caught a terrible fever. Half of the country is blindly following an orange grifter and his ilk who say the meanest things thriving on a populism of angst and anger. It went from Trump making fun of a disabled reporter all the way to a mob ransacking the capital. The capital insurrection was the capstone and one would think a step would have been taken back. But no, they embraced it and now openly call for civil war. One would have thought something like that could never have happened in America. And now a reasonable person would think things couldn’t get worse, that America always has the ability to correct itself. However, just like we thought we could never be where we are now, things can get worse. As the President says, democracy does hang in the balance indeed. The Republicans know they cannot win a fair fight so they want to burn down the entire house.

I remain shocked that many people I know are caught up in the fever, I had thought they were smarter, that they were reasonable. But no, this sickness seems to know no bounds and that is scary. I’ve lost friends to this and that is very sad.

Work – There has been much change at work and I’m not a fan of change. The tech industry which comprises most of my portfolio is in disarray with massive layoffs happening right now. Twitter is probably the worst example having been taken over by Elon and will probably file for bankruptcy. This does not bode well for my numbers and is depressing. Furthermore, the cash cow that was China is collapsing since the US realized that entrusting the manufacturing of silicon chips and other high tech in China is a terrible idea. China will eventually take Taiwan and this could cause a war. It is like a slow moving freight train towards a brick wall. Conflict will happen, it is mostly a matter of time. So as companies realize they must shift many manufacturing processes back to the USA they know this will cause costs to increase which in turn is affecting the budgets. Combine this with the realization that much business can be done virtually also has lessened travel which also isn’t great for my numbers.

As for my own position I’ve done everything right in terms of shaping a portfolio. However, over the past year I’ve learned that my company values show more than solid moves to maximize future revenue. Show gets eyeballs, strategic moves in a down market does not. My portfolio will shine when travel bounces back in a big way. I’m not good at show and so even though I get solid reviews it is nothing to write home about. I’ve been exploring other options but it would be a stupid move to leave a great company for something more rewarding given the terrible state of the economy and possible recession.

Inflation – Everything. is. more. expensive. My bonus goes down but prices increase. I cannot complain too much though because I still have a job and things are OK. It is just much tougher to gain financial ground.

Crypto/Stocks – These both took a nosedive. There is another scandal everyday in the crypto market with the most recent being the collapse of FTX. I’m in the process of moving funds to cold storage but some transfers take time as I need to unstake and some exchanges have a multi-day delay. It is good to see the cold storage now has more staking options of its own which negates the need to keep funds on exchanges. Time is valuable and I want to earn rewards on my holdings instead of simply having them sit there doing nothing.

The stock market is equally a mess with red being the dominant color for the past year. The good news is I still earn the dividends and have no need to use any of that money meaning I do not have to sell.

Age – I’m now 45 years old and am shocked at how fast time passes. Friendships that I thought would last forever have been rocked by the madness that is MAGA. I see I’m only five years away from fifty years old and this is depressing. My eldest son is quickly turning into a teenager and I don’t know where my little boy went. My parents are aging and I realize I need to spend as much time with them as possible as age takes its toll. I want to turn back the clock to when I was thirty eight. I had always held the belief that I’m not “old” yet but at 45 I can no longer hold onto that.

These are the main reasons my mind has not been in the greatest shape. That is why I have not written even at my favorite time of the year.

I always like to begin the holiday season (starting with Halloween) with a post reflecting on the magic. Here we are now almost to Thanksgiving and soon the entire holiday season will be over. I think I had a touch of depression this past year. Negative thoughts persist and the natural joys that come with the simple things such as a sunrise are nowhere to be found. I still go to karate but I haven’t had the energy nor motivation to workout in the gym. To do that I need to have a positive mindset, a drive and that has been lacking.

On a positive note I did get my blackbelt yesterday which has taken over six years to achieve. I had many negative thoughts leading up to the test as it is given only once a year and the grandmaster is eighty-one years old. I kept think of failing the test and maybe never being able to test under him if something should happen. Thankfully I passed the test and see my skills improving. I had a great fight yesterday during a lower belt test and realized that I have a nice technique as I landed many great kicks and punches. This gives me confidence and motivation and I found myself watching many karate videos just last night getting myself further into the art. It lifted my spirits so much I’m now motivated to get into the gym or do some type of exercise like biking today.

Mind really is everything: without a positive mindset life is dreary and hard. With a clear mind I’m motivated and a natural energy builds inside of me. And so here I sit finally writing a blog post, wanting to get into the gym, to be active, to read a book, learn something new on the internet. All of life is in my head. It would help if the body blows from the external world would take a break but opening the news there always seems to be another low. It is constant and sad.

Categorized as Journal

By Mateo de Colón

Global Citizen! こんにちは!僕の名前はマットです. Es decir soy Mateo. Aussi, je m'appelle Mathieu. Likes: Languages, Cultures, Computers, History, being Alive! \(^.^)/