It is 6:35 AM on Saturday February 12th, 2022. I’m at my standing desk in the second floor reading nook in front of the open window overlooking the street. A moderate breeze makes the eucalyptus trees sway then passes through my window. I hear a little birdsong, not the full chorus I remember early morning on a summer day working at the golf course in Ohio, but three or four solitary birds making themselves known on the rugged California coast. Only two cars have passed momentarily breaking the serenity and I wonder what compels them to their errands instead of enjoying the beautiful morning as I am.
Normally a Pacifica morning is too chilly to open the window but we’re in the midst of another high pressure system causing a heatwave. This now all too common weather along with the gentrification Pacifica is on track to become the new Santa Barbara in ten to twenty years.
Yesterday I was the happiest I’ve been in quite some time. It was the type of natural joy which comes naturally when young but fades away in both frequency and potency as I age. It was a beautiful and warm Friday and I was feeling good in both body and mind. It is the way I felt on Friday that I wish to feel all the time. Perhaps it was due to changes in my brain chemistry as I have stopped drinking coffee and taken a break from wine? Part of it may be that after stressful news at work I stopped to look around and realize how beautiful my life is.
I’m now 44 and starting to understand a bit more about what the midlife crisis phenomena is. Perhaps I had a touch of it when I received the news that my fantastic boss had gotten a promotion and thus I’d have a new manager soon. Another part of that is as the organization grows I see others getting promoted while I do not. It was these events which awoke me from a type of slumber. I am and have been very comfortable and happy in my role, never one looking to “climb the corporate ladder.” It is a role which affords in equal measure money and freedom, freedom which I spend with my kids mostly doing karate.
However, with a new boss my world is changing and I expressed a desire to perhaps make a move to the global space. In doing so I learned that the very first step was simply expressing that desire and then taking concrete internal steps towards it. I had never done this because again, I was (and am) happy with my role but also really loved the team I was in. That team is now breaking up and so I think it is a good time to focus on my own path.
Due to these work events I had been in a quite a funk the last week until the sudden rush of joy not only lifted my spirits but along with a bit of Van Halen created a bit of euphoria. I realized I really can do whatever I set my mind to, all I need to do is step out of my complacent coma and make it happen. If we are living in a simulation it would be as though a ‘divine’ player finally took notice and reinvigorated me.
My stream of thought has been broken by a Mexican laborer with a loud muffler and what seems to be the exact same music played by all Mexican drivers. It has been over 20 years since I studied in Mexico but I never could tell the difference between all the different styles. It could be Norteño, Tejano, Corrido or many of the others; I’m simply too much of a gringo these days to know. And the realization that it has been 20 years since my love affair with Mexico adds to my low-level mid-life melancholy.
The laborer is there because my neighbors have moved and are selling the house. Work has changed, my neighbors have changed, the internet is changing, the weather, world, my age, all of it is changing. Not only is the world I knew as a student in Mexico gone but with two years of pandemic the world of 2019 is long gone as well.
My neighbor has now just left in his red hybrid. My street seems to have a lot of houses that are rented. I’m no real estate but I imagine with the cost of housing being as stratospheric as they are, there is plenty of money to be made in renting. Unfortunately this does not help build up a community as renters come and go. Therefore, I greet my temporary neighbor and know his name which is Justin but the relationship ends there. He appears to be a divorced dad as sometimes two kids suddenly appear with him. He is from England, which I learned from his accent the one time we met with our kids when the ice cream truck made a rare pass. He also comes and goes very frequently. From my perch here on the second floor I learn a lot about my small section of street in Pacifica. Sometimes he leaves and then is back in no later than 15 minutes. Not particularly strange but it happens again and again. Therefore, I think perhaps he is an errand driver, such as Task Rabbit, Uber Eats or something like that. Although I don’t understand how one could make ends meet as the rent is probably around $4K to $5K a month. In any case, it is not my business but I wonder if he notices me as I’m right in front of the window on the second floor. Most people don’t look up.
The time is now 7:23 AM and the sun is starting to peak over Sweeney Ridge and directly into my eyes. This is why I use a standing desk with wheels so I can move it two feet to the right behind a wall in-between my two windows. Here is a picture of what I’m describing. I’ve whited out the houses directly in-front of me to keep a bit of privacy.
Well, I hear voices downstairs, the amount of cars passing-by have picked up and with that my serene early Saturday morning comes to an end. My neighbor has also returned already.
