Journal Entry – 1.7.1999

Life rolls on.  It’s amazing how things change as you get older.  Before I went to Spain Ryan and I were good friends and Jason was a good buddy also.  Now Jason is engaged and I never see Ryan anymore because he got a girlfriend and has taken to Drew.  Drew is a better match for Ryan though then I.  I can remember my first days at OSU and here I am a senior.  Incredible.  So many things have changed.  I was pondering going out tonight and I really wanted to because I thought it would be fun.  Then I thought about it for a while and wanted to understand what drove me to think that going out would be fun.  I guess it is just meeting new people and the prospects of a meeting a future girlfriend. 

However I came to the conclusion that I’ve gone out a million times on campus and 99 percent of the time I return without a number and all I have to show for it is a hangover in the morning.  So I am content to be writing on my computer right now.  My mind is always working like that.  Even now I wish I was smarter so I could organize my thoughts more clearly.  I think of many things when driving or just sitting around but when it comes to writing it I wish I was smarter so I could organize my thoughts better.  I am content with life right now but I do miss having many people to go out with like at the frat.  I don’t have many close friends in my life now. 

Ross is my best friend but is at PSU.  I hang out with Ryan a bit and Glenda as well but that’s about it.  It’s amazing how things change.  I miss all my friends from the fund.  Spain totally changed my life.  When I was young I thought I had everything figured out and things would turn out pretty much as I had expected.  My college experience has turned out to be nothing like what I expected.  I had to live at home which started things off on the wrong foot as to what my plans were.  Normal college kids live in the dorms.  Then after that we are supposed to get off campus housing with roommates and continue our college career.  I lived in the most boring dorms in the world.  So I try the frat but that didn’t turn out the way I expected either. 

I head to Spain.  And now things are so different then what I thought they would be.  I live alone, I pretty much feel alone, and I can’t wait to take the next big step in my life which is to move far away.  I love my family to death but we are always very busy and I we don’t have a lot of time to see each other therefore I have no reservations about moving far away.  It’s just the way it is.  I do love my family and we are a great family and I am very blessed.  But I don’t feel like that should keep me here.  I have to really close connections that outweigh my decision to move far away. 

    Back to why I’m not very concerned about going to the bars tonight.  I want to go just to meet new people in hopes that I will find that one girl that I can love for the rest of my life.  But it is a slim chance that it will happen at a bar.  But you never know what twists and turns life can throw you.  Well I’ve grown tired of writing and I’m still struggling with the decision to go out tonight.  We will see. 

By Mateo de Colón

Global Citizen! こんにちは!僕の名前はマットです. Es decir soy Mateo. Aussi, je m'appelle Mathieu. Likes: Languages, Cultures, Computers, History, being Alive! \(^.^)/